#3026
Getting back into continuity
Date: 11/05/2003
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
PM: (PM's cell phone rings) Hello, and you've reached PHARA...hi, Lita...
Lita: (Sitting in Spidey's driver's seat and talking on her own cell phone) Hi PM! Whatcha doin??
PM: Nothing much, just talking to gramps.
Lita: Gramps? Didn't we put him in a home?
PM: You said this guy was gr--
Lita: Oh yeah! Him! Totally forgot! Boy am I dumb! So anyway, how are you?
PM: I'm fine.... Look, why did you call?
Lita: To thank you for fixing Spidey! He works great now!
PM: Ok, well, you're welcome. You know, I'm kind of busy right now so if you could let me go--
Lita: Hey, PM!
PM: *sigh* ...yes?
Lita: Do you know what Tork just said? Do you know what he said?
PM: I'm sure I don't know.
Lita: He just said Bono is pregnant!
PM: <almost imperceptibly> Oh for the love of... <and now audibly> Imagine that.
Lita: I know it's not true though! You know how I know it's not true?
<PM passes a hand wearily over his eyes as he leans tiredly over the bar. Tucker's Brother takes this opportunity to make a quiet getaway. (PM's still in MSTBlanca, right? No? Well he is now! He went there. Some time when it doesn't break continuity. And for some reason Tucker's Brother went with him!)>
PM: I can't imagine.
Lita: Well, I'll tell you. You see, I play close attention to U2 news and so I know that this time of year Bono generally prefers to spend his time in--
<Lita blathers on and on and on. You don't really need to know all the stuff she says. I'll spare you. For his part PM spends the whole conversation saying, "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. He didn't! Uh-huh." over and over and over again, while really mostly concentrating on keeping his brains from collapsing into a mushy pudding-like substance and running out his nose. Quite some time later...>
Lita: So I think what happened is Tork listened to too much "Big Girls are Best" and got confused! And that's where he got that idea! Doesn't that sound plausible?
PM: Uh-huh... Uh-huh... Yeah... Uh-huh... He didn't! Uh-huh...
Lita: PHARAFALAFEL!!1!
PM: ACK! Er... Yeah?
Lita: Doesn't that sound plausible?
PM: Um... Sure does! I bet you're right! So I gotta go now! I'm a busy man, running this bar and all!
Lita: You sure are! Keep up the good work! Bye!
PM: *click*
Lita: Huh. <she hangs up her phone> Geez! You guys took forever! I had to repeat my whole stupid story like three times. And he didn't even notice either, how's that for listening skills? So, did you do it?
Mickey: <climbing into Spidey's back seat> Eww! No!
Tucker's Brother: <climbing in next to Mickey> *sigh*
Lita: Mickey, you're gross. And you know what I meant. Did you guys do what you were supposed to?
EM: <climbing into Spidey next to Lita> Yeah. We did. And it was a pain in the ass too.
Lita: Good. I mean I'm glad you got that done.
Tork: <getting into the back seat... You know the drill> I got slimed!
Lita: Eww! Tork, watch the upholstery!
***
<Meanwhile, back at MSTBlanca, PM has finally managed to get off the phone with Lita.>
PM: Geez! I thought she'd never shut up! <He turns around on his barstool and suddenly drops his phone on the floor> Holy crap...
<There is a gigantic elephant standing in the middle of the bar looking not at all thrilled to be there. Then again, how do you thrill an elephant? I mean, really? He looks at PM and then hocks a gigantic loogie on the floor of the bar.>
PM: <He tears his shirt with dramatic rage and screams towards the heavens> LIIIIIIIIIITTTAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!1!1!!-- <The elephant trumpets at him warningly> i'll be quiet!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Green light on PM and the elephant!
Yellow light on Spidey & Co.
#3027
<Meanwhile, back at GROPE HQ>
Date: 11/10/2003
From: Tork_110
<Lita42 is watching TV again.>
Announcer: Tonight on 24...
Adviser: We would be winning the war, but the media is against us.
<A man pumps his fist at the ceiling in an overly dramatic fashion.>
Pres.: DAMN YOU, LIBERAL MEDIA! WHY CAN'T THERE BE MORE PEOPLE LIKE RUFERT MURLOCK!
Announcer: And later, on Joe Robot 2: This Time We Piss Off Europe...
Woman: I really love you for your money.
Woman2: No, I love his money!
Woman3: Who do YOU love best, Joe?
Ortega with a cowboy hat: Errn ernn.
Lita42: At least there's always Televisionwithoutpity.com.
Tork_110
Pres.: Damn them liberals all to hell!!!
#3028
Sam: Whoa, geez, elephant.....
Date: 11/10/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
PM: Very observant of you!
Sam: How'd that get here????
PM: The circus is in town....what do you think!
Sam: Oh.
Bufallo: Hey, ah thouht maybe ahd...woah! Pa-key-durm!!!!
PM: ......
Buffalo: Is that un sposed to be thur?
PM: Yes Buffalo. It is...and so is that big steaming present he left for you on the floor....
Buffalo: Oh goody! Ah lahke presen...
Sam: Buffalo! Heel, boy!
(Buffalo lays down at Sam's foot)
Sam: Good boy. Have a liver snap!
(Buffalo huddles in the corner and eats his snack)
Sam: He's learned so much....
PM: Yes....now can we get back to that BIG FRIGGIN ELEPHANT!!!!
Sam: Oh right....aren't you supposed to play dead around them?
PM: No, that's a bear.
Buffalo: We gaht bahrs too?????
(PM slaps his forehead)
Buffalo: You shudn't do thaht. Good way'n to hurted your temple...
Sam: OK, I got it....I'll jump on it and plug up the blowhole!
PM: ...........happy thoughts....hapy thoughts.
Mickey T Gardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the IHD Club
President of the JLSFClub
Post Narc x4
Is it just me or did Buffalo get even more Cletus-y in that reply?
GREEN LIGHT
#3029
Oh my God!
Date: 11/13/2003
From: Tork_110
Tork: My contract is about to expire!
<at the set for TftD>
Lita: All of a sudden?
Tork: I was to busy looking at these Nuveena pics to notice.
Mickey: Why not negotiate for a new contract?
Tork: Well...
Lita: Yes?
Tork: My agent is the same guy who was the agent of AFLAC, Sunshine, Waldo...
Mickey: Ouch!
Tork: I know. My contract will expire after 10 more replies.
Lita: Well, I'm sure you'll be back for another year of WHAT IS THAT!!!!?
Tork: I thought you'd like that pic!
Lita: HMPH!!
<Lita takes one of Tork's photos and leaves.>
Will Tork leave NotEurope? Will Tork be replaced by someone's cousin? Will one of TftDers get pregnant? Will one of them have an evil twin? Will the Duh change from black and white to color? Will all members of GROPE graduate from high school, even though some of them already have? Will there be nothing but special guest stars in the near future? Will GROPE win trips to various places?
Well, WILL THEY?!
#3030
I like MST3K.
Date: 11/18/2003
From: Man_Without_Hat
nt
#3031
Tucker's Brother: This sucks!
Date: 11/20/2003
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
Lita: Will you quit whining back there? You haven't shut up since we got going!
TB: But this totally sucks!
Lita: Do you want me to turn this car around?
TB: Yes.
Lita: Too bad.
TB: But why do I have to sit in the back seat?
Lita: Because that's how this works. Now hush up!
TB: But I don't want to sit by that smelly robot guy! He's all covered in elephant mucus!
Tork: Hey, Man. That's hurtful. It's not my fault I got spat on.
TB: Do I even have to be in the middle? I hate the middle! There's that stupid bump! I hate riding the bump! I know, Mickey! *engratiating grin* You and I can trade!
Mickey: Like I want to sit by Slimer over there.
Tork: Hey! I have ears, you know!
TB: <Tuker's Brother, defeated, sits back with a sigh. Then he gets a bright idea and leans forward again!> You know what? I get carsick in the back seat. Look, you don't even have to stop Spidey. I'll just climb over this seat here... <he starts to climb up front> and your big blonde boyfriend can just climb into the back and-- <Evil Mike brandishes his knife> *GULP*!!
EM: I will stick this in your eye.
TB: Understood. <He quickly gets back into his spot.> Does anybody have a bucket?
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Ahhh... vomit jokes...
Yellow light
#3032
At long last...
Date: 11/25/2003
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
<Lita throws open the door to Batwoman's lair>
Lita: I'm home!
<Litas 6969, 42, and 2780 all turn and look at 9000 as Mickey, Evil Mike, Tork, and Tucker's Brother file into the house behind her.>
42: Hi, 9000. Hi guys. <The guys: Hello.>
Lita: "Hi, 9000"? Just "Hi, 9000"? I've been missing for like a few months now, but finally I've returned! And that's the welcome I get?
42: You've returned? Have you been here before?
Lita: Er... actually, no... None of you jerks gave me directions to the new lair.
2780: UUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMM!!1!1!1111 She called us a bad word!!!
42: Shhh...
Lita: So anyway, we've been gone for a long time, both Evil Mike and me, and I'm sure you've been worried sick. So I'm just glad to be able to tell you that--
<The door swings open wide again, smacking Lita on the behind as it does so, and Rimmi strides through>
Lita: Ow!
Rimmi: I'm home! I've been lost for a few months, but finally I've returned! Well, I mean, I haven't been in this lair before, but I made Warren build me a GROPE locating locator and I used it to find the new lair. So anyway, where's my welcome?
<Immediately all three Lita clones, Tork, Mickey, Evil Mike, and even Andrew fall all over each other running to Rimmi to see how she is, learn about her adventures, compliment the lovely hairstyle, and soforth.>
Lita: <standing outside the crowd having been pushed out of the way so that everybody can fawn all over Rimmi> ... Fine. I see how it is. Have it your way... <under her breath> ...you bunch of bas--
2780: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!1!1!1111!!!
Lita: --ically wonderful people... *sigh* I'm gonna go see what's in the fridge...
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Semi yellow light but not really... sorta...
#3033
PM: I got it!
Date: 11/30/2003
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Sam, dress up like a mouse and dance around the el-
Sam: *AHEM*! I did that before, big daddy.
PM: When?
Sam: The robot? I dressed up like an ant. Remember?
PM: Geez, whose dumb idea was tha...don't answer that.
Sam: I don't want anymore part of that unmellow scene.
Buffalo: Whuabouts that big faht giy?
PM: Rush Limbaugh?
Sam: Hey, I know that cat! I met him last month when I was in...nevermind.
Buffalo: Nah, the big faht giy wit the reel purty singin voyce? The one that lahkes pakyderms.
PM: Lucciano Pavarotti?
Buffalo: Nah, the big faht giy!
PM: Hey, that's a pretty good idea, Buffalo! I'll go call him!
Buffalo: Nah, you ain't lisnin! The big faht giy!!
Sam: You know, Rush had a surprisingly good singing voice...
(Meanwhile.....)
Lita: well, now that GROPE's back together...shouldn't we get to the, you know, GROPEing...oh I can't believe I just said that..
Evil Mike: Hells yeah!!! Get out of the room, losers!(Punches Mickey) You heard the lady, loser!
Lita: You're just lucky 2780 isn't in the room.
Mickey: How's Operation Dumbo Drop going?
Tork: It sucked. Waste of talent. What was Danny Glover thinking??
Lita: Finally! Away from that jerk Mel Gibson!
(The room falls silent)
Rimmi: Lita, don't try to ad lib. It just doesn't work.
Lita: Hmph! Anyway....good question Mickey. Let's check out Dumbo Cam!
(Lita turns on the monitor to see a very unhealthy closeup of Buffalo)
Lita: GAH!!!!!!!!
Tuckers Brother: So that's what you jerks did to my camera!
Evil Mike: Heh heh...yeah
Buffalo: Nah what in the world does this gizamo doohickey do?
Sam: Boss, we don't have this kind of money in the PharMoCo budget for this!
PM: I got a coupon for Quizno's.
Pavarotti: Ia got herea as fast as I could-a.
Lita: That bastard!
Tork: What's your problem with Rush Limbaugh?
MickeyTGardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
Tell the man what's wrong
Green Light
#3034
Tork: I'm home.
Date: 12/03/2003
From: Tork_110
EM: I never knew that you were gone.
<It's been a day after GROPE has finally moved into their new home. Tork is wearing a red costume, but it's not the one he usually wears.>
Lita: Tork! What are you wearing?
Tork: I have a new job. Just in case my contract expires.
EM: Contract?! The hell!!?
Tork: Ok. I meant, I had a dream where I died in a few replies - oops, I mean days - so I wanted to get a quick job so I could leave some money to you guys.
Lita: Awww!
Rimmi: That's so sweet!
Lita: You're not going to die! Don't be silly.
EM: And if you did, we're dumping your body into the streets of a parade.
<EM laughs at the thought of his evil idea, while the women glare at him.>
Tork: Anyway, I'm Somewhat Jolly Saint Nick. Ho ho ho.
<EM laughs some more.>
Tork: Oh, shut up.
Mickey: I can't find my lucky spoon GAHH! It's the devil, and he's appearing in robotic form!
Tork: Oh, verrrry funny.
Mickey: Do you have ...?
Tork: NO, I'M NOT GIVING ANYONE SEXY WOMEN FOR CHRISTMAS!
Mickey: Damn.
Tork: Great. I was going to quickly eat lunch here, but my 15 minute break is nearly up. I have to go back now.
Lita: You should take a coat. It's going to snow later today.
Tork: Lita, I saw the news, and they said that it was going to be nice all day. I should have taken this costume off before I get hot, but I want to be in character when I go back to the mall.
<Tork steps outside, and already it is snowing heavily.>
Tork: Damn liberal media.
Tork_110
Green light
#3035
42: What are you doing?
Date: 12/03/2003
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
...........................................................
<Tucker's Brother is sitting at the coffee table in the living room messing with a horseshoe.>
TB: <shortly> Nothing.
42: You're not doing nothing. What are you doing? What's that? <she reaches for the horseshoe>
TB: <slaps her hand away> Don't touch it! That's rude.
42: Geez Louise! Fine! So why are you messing with a cruddy old horseshoe?
TB: Because I like to, ok? Leave me alone!
6969: <comes up behind 42> So, 42, aren't you going to introduce me to your new friend? *giggle*
42: He's not my friend. He's an annoying little wanker who has a snotty attitude about that stupid horseshoe.
TB: You know if you're going to complain about snotty attitudes maybe you should look into fixing your own attitude, because I would say you are the queen of having snotty attitudes, Queen Snotty.
42: <quietly> if that name sticks I know exactly where they will never ever find your body...
TB: *gulp*
6969: <smiling warmly at Tucker's Brother> You just don't worry about our Lita42. She's not always the best at making friends.
42: HEY!!
6969: I, however, like to make friends.
42: <audible snort of amusement and perhaps irritation>
6969: <ignoring her> So, Sugar, you wanna go make friends? *wink*
TB: Nah, that's ok. I gotta finish working on this project here.
6969: HEY!!
42: See? I told you he was annoying.
TB: Just leave me alone, ok?
<Not too far away from this conversation, Lita is on the phone>
Lita: Look, Evil Mike, I don't care how big of a pain in the ass it is! You find away to lure Pavarotti away from PM's bar! He'll ruin everything! <there is a pause while she waits for Evil Mike, who is on location... somewhere, to say something> No, you may *not* kill him! *pause* No! I mean it! Look, can't you set up a buffet across the street or something? *pause* Don't you judge me! How about you try to have a whole conversation about Pavarotti without an overeating joke? (I can't believe he's being the mature one here...)
<Lita starts squabbling with Evil Mike over the phone (Who knew he was so sensitive to cracks about Pavarotti's eating habits?), but finds it difficult because the squabbling between Tucker's Brother, 42, and 6969 behind her is escalating.>
Lita: Will you three pipe down? I can't hear myself think! *pause* You shut up, Evil Mike, there is too something to hear!
<Back at the horseshoe...>
TB: You two girls are so annoying! Will you go away?
42: Why? So you can be alone with your stupid horseshoe? <she snatches it away from Tucker's Brother>
TB: Hey! That's mine!
42: Well now it's mine. Just try and get it back.
6969: Oh, really 42. Don't you think that's just a little bit childish?
42: Maybe, but he's asking for it.
6969: Just give it back to him.
42: No.
6969: Give him back his horseshoe!
<6969 grabs the other end of the horseshoe and the two girls tug at each end trying to wrestle it away from each other. Neither seems willing to let go though, and they end up dragging each other around the room, rolling around, and knocking down furniture.>
Lita: Ok, EM, so can't you at least just call him and tell him he's got an appoinment to make another charity "Pavarotti and Friends" album or something? He's about due for one, isn't he? <The two girls crash into her chair> HEY!! KNOCK IT OFF, YOU TWO!!
42: She won't let go!
6969: No, she won't let go!
Lita: It's just a stupid disgusting old horseshoe, why don't the both of you let go and give me some peace?
6969 & 42: Fine.
<pause>
Lita: Well? Let go.
42: I can't!
Lita: What do you mean you can't?
6969: I'm trying, really! I can't let go!
42: We're stuck!
Lita: ... <noting Tucker's Brother giggling in the corner> Look... I'm busy right now. It's Tucker's Brother's stupid shoe, right? You take it up with him.
<She goes back to her conversation as her two clones approach Tucker's Brother>
42: What are you giggling about, Turd?
TB: <still giggling> I was just wondering if maybe I should have told you about the super strong fast-acting glue I put on the horseshoe.
6969: And why, pray tell, did you put glue on this thing?
TB: Rimmi told me to. She wanted me to develop a special glue for her. I guess she was going to send that shoe over to you're guys's friends at MSTBlanca and see what happened. I think this is just as funny though. <He smirks some more>
6969: Ugh!! I don't have time for this! I'm supposed to have a date with Jimmy tonight!
42: You're still dating him?
6969: Yeah, why wouldn't I be?
42: <she notices the stony look on 6969's face> Oh, no reason.
TB: Wow, you never mind your own business, do you?
42: You've got a solvent to unglue this thing, though, right?
TB: Afraid I haven't developed one. Rimmi says if she glues something she wants it to stay glued. <he grins> I guess you should have listened when I said not to touch it, huh??
42: Right.
<Without another word the two girls use their free hands to grab Tucker's Brother's arm and place his hand on the open spot in the middle of the horseshoe. Now each of them have a hand stuck to the shoe.>
6969: So I guess you'll be planning to find something to disolve this glue now, right?
TB: Awwww! Dammit!! You guys suck!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Yes, I know we've done the people stuck together gag before.
But we've never done it well!
We're gonna get it right this time, DAMMIT!
Green light
#3036
42: Are you about done there?
Date: 12/08/2003
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
............................................................
<Carmelita42, Carmelita6969, and Tucker's Brother are sitting around a small card table. Tucker's Brother is carefully mixing various chemicals with his one free hand.>
TB: You can't rush this. Making a chemical that will dissolve this glue but not our hands is a very delicate process that involves a lot of time, and care and-- <the doorbell rings>
6969: Jimmy!!
<Lita6969 leaps up from the table and runs over to the door, dragging Lita42 and Tucker's Brother behind her and upsetting the card table. Chemicals spill all over the place.>
TB: Aww, dangit! All that stuff will probably eat holes in the carpet!
Rimmi: <From where she's reading some book or other nearby> It better not! This place is new!
<6969 finally manages to get to the door and does her best to straighten out her dress (appearances count!) despite having a horseshoe and two people stuck to her right hand. She opens the door and Jimmy Mobius is there holding a bouquet of flowers.>
Jimmy: Hi Lita6969! I brought you these flowers!
<He thrusts the bouquet at 6969>
6969: Oh, Jimmy Honey!
<6969 grabs the flowers and throws her arms around Jimmy's neck (somewhat clumsily. 42 gets kind of knocked into the doorframe and Tucker's Brother gets sort of knocked into her)>
42: Ow! Will you watch it?
6969: Oh, I'm sorry 42!
Jimmy: <noticing the horseshoe for the first time> Er... what's going on here?
6969: Oh, um... well... We had a situation with some glue that got a little out of hand...
TB: Huh. If it were *out* of our hands we wouldn't have a problem!
42: We can't get unstuck.
Jimmy: Oh, that's awful! I guess our date's cancelled then, is it?
42: Guess so.
6969: No! Of course not! This is totally not going to ruin our evening!
42: Er... To what extent is this not going to ruin your evening? Because I don't want to see the two of you--
TB: Ew!
6969: Say, Jimmy, do you mind if we make this a double date?
42 & TB: AHHH!!
42: 6969, I really don't think you have to go through that trouble for us. Jimmy doesn't want to pay for two extra people...
6969: It's no trouble. And you two could pay your own way.
TB: What she means to say is I don't want to go on a date with her. Or the two of you for that matter.
42: Well I wouldn't have been that rude.
TB: Sure you would have.
6969: Don't be silly, you two! We'd be happy to let you guys tag along.
42: But we don't want--
6969: I *said* we'd be *happy* to let you guys tag along.
42: Er... And we'd be happy to tag along!
TB: Thrilled!
Jimmy: Well, ok, if we're not putting the two of you out.
42: Nope! Not at all!
TB: Nothing we'd rather do than go on a date with you.
Jimmy: It's settled then! Let's go! Um... I hope you two don't mind running along the side... my car's a two seater.
42: Ugh...
TB: I can tell this is gonna be the best date ever...
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
There was gonna be more,
But it'll have to wait!
So there!
Yellow light!
#3037
EM: OK Pavarotso!
Date: 12/08/2003
From: MickeysXmasCarol
I'm gonna knock you into next Tuesday!
Pharaoh Mobius: Do you have an appoinment?
EM: Shutup
Pharaoh Mobius: Good enough.
Pavarotti: I just a love the elephant-a! Is thata so wrong?
EM: depends on how you love it....
Pavarotti: Ia take umbrage at that!
EM: Really? Well, if you admit to it...
Pharaoh Mobius: Uh, Mike...umbrage means...
EM: You dirty elephant fu...
Pharaoh Mobius: Uh.....what my good friend Michael is trying to say is...
EM: Who the hell's Michael?
Pharaoh Mobius: Is that
(The door bursts open, Schmoe walks in wearing a snappy suit and carrying a clipboard and briefcase)
Schmoe: Uh huh...illeagel elephant parking. That's a violation, my Pharaoh friend.
Pavarotti: Excuse-a me, but we are in the middle of-a something.
Schmoe: Not zoned for a tenor. (Writes) PM, you are in a lot of trouble.
Pharaoh Mobius: What's going on here?
Schmoe: I represent the firm of wurWolfram & Schmoe. We've heard many interesting things about you, Mobius.
Pharaoh Mobius: May I see your credentials?
EM: Wow, PM, I never knew....(PM throws EM a dictionary) Wow, thanks! There's a wobbly table leg at HQ that's got your name on it! (Leaves, but accidentally trips over the switch for PM's pirate radio transmitter on the way)
Pavarotti: Excusea me, I'm-a very busy man, can I have my elephant?
Schmoe: I'm afraid you can't. He's evidence.
Pavarotti: I want my elephant! I want my elephant!
PM: Let's go discuss this in the other room....(Turns on a classical song really loud, muffled screams of "I want my elephant!" are heard over it)
(On a radio at a retirement home)
Gramps: Hey, they're playing the elephant song!
Fish in Grandpa Mobius's body: I like that one. It reminds me of elephants.....
MickeyTGardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
Little. Yellow. Different.
Yellow Light
#3038
Schmoe: Here are my credentials
Date: 12/10/2003
From: MickeysXmasCarol
I'm sure you'll find them in order.
PM: Uh huh (Looks them over) Any reason why they're handwritten on the back of a McDonald's placemat?
Schmoe: I went to Hamburger University?
PM: OK, look Schmoe, I'm very busy, I'd love to catch up, but
Schmoe: We're suing you!
PM: Excuse me?
Muffled voice from Schmoe's briefcase: Yeah! Pay up, Moobius!
Schmoe: Hush you...
PM: What was that?
MVFSB: Shake himoo down!!!
Schmoe: That's the quote unquote Silent Partner.
PM: Uh huh.
(Buffalo bursts through the door)
Buffalo: Boss, we gots a siteyation, Boss! The pakiderrrm up an put Linky in its pahhole!
PM: Just say Magumbo. He'll let her go.
Buffalo: Mahguhmbou?
Schmoe: Bye bye Buffalo, nice to see you! (Shoves him out the door)
PM: Look, Schmoe, if you wanted money that bad, why didn't you ask?
Schmoe: Can I have some money?
PM: No
Schmoe: wurwolf needs an operation! She has that uh...plehblahsting flu!
PM: Yeah, sure, ok, bye Schmoe!
Schmoe: You haven't heard the last of me Pharaoh! (Leaves, but forgot his briefcase)
PM: You forgot your.....oh crap.
Cow: Well, it's about bloody timooe! You know what it's like being fed beef stew? For a cow? I'moo a bloody cannibal!!!
Sam: (Bursts through the door) Boss, Pavaratti's going on about his elephant again!
PM: Well, give him the damn elephant! Tell him to have a cow, too!
Cow: I should hardly think so! I've had to put up with that Alan Hale mooron! I'moo not reliving that scene! (Bites Pharaoh Mobius and runs off)
PM: Bloody hell!!
MickeyTGardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the IHD Club
President of the JLS Fan Club
Post Narc x4
Wanker!
Green light!
#3039
PM: I'm glad that's out of the way.
Date: 12/10/2003
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
...........................................................
PM: Now that that blasted elephant and Pavarotti are out of the way, it's time for me to get back to my evil pharonic scheming. Ok, all staff assemble out here now!
<He waits while most of his henchpeople form a line in front of him>
PM: Is this everybody? Somebody's missing. Who's missing?
Cow: I don't even live here and even I know who's mooissing. Moooron
PM: Linky? Where's Linky? She knows we're having a meeting, right?
Buffalo: Ah towaled you, Boss! Thayat dag-blambed eayaluhfint done swahped her wuth his nose and he stuffed her in hiyis maouth!
PM: And *I* told *you* to say "Magumbo" to make him let her go.
Buffalo: Mihkembuh?
PM: Magumbo!
Buffalo: Muhgummy?
PM: Argh! Why do I even bother with you?! All right, everybody! First on the agenda is find that elephant and get it back!
Buffalo: Montana?
PM: Strike that. Getting the elephant is now second on the agenda. First on the agenda now is Hurt Buffalo.
Buffalo: AAAHHHH-- Ow!1 OW!! OWW!!
*****
<Somewhere on a nice country road>
Pavarotti: Aren't you the mosta beautiful elephanta? <he starts singing something operaey to the elephant.
Elephant: Mrmhfrrmmrmmhh!1!!
Pavarotti: My elephanta! Do you speaka?
Elephant: Rrrmmrfrmmmrrh! Mrrmfrmmh!
Pavarotti: It is a miraclea!
<Linky's head pops out of the elephant's mouth>
Linky: Oi!
Pavarotti: AAAAAGGGHHHHH!1!!1!
<The elephant puts the end of his trunk on Linky's forehead and pushes>
Linky: Hey! I don't want to go back in there? It's gross and slimey and mrrfmrmmrrgh!!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Green Light
Cow: Hey, you stupid womooan! PMoo was supposed to be speaking British in this reply! What the hell?
Lita: Er...
Cow: You forgot, didn't you?
Lita: NO! Um... PM is a master of disguise! And even though he was British he was pretending to be American for this one reply! Because being British would be embarrassing!
Cow: Dumoomooy.
#3040
GrandfatherFrost flashes his pink undies
Date: 12/19/2003
From: GrandfatherFrost
{peek}
#3041
Merry Christmas!!
Date: 12/25/2003
From: Tork_110
<Tork is at a mall. He's dress like Santa, and dealing with kids who are sitting on his lap at the last second.>
Tork: And what do you want, little girl?
Lita6969: Tee hee! I want (whisper).
Tork: Gah! (blushes) I mean, I'll see what I can do about that, little girl. (whispers) Look, please leave, kids are listening.
Lita6969: Ok, sugar. You know where to find me. (winks)
<A kid walks up to Tork and sits on his lap.>
Tork: Ho ho ho! What do you want for Christmas, little girl?
Girl: I want an XBox.
Tork: Pfft! You want a Santa in a more expensive mall.
Girl: :o(
Kid's Mom: Come, Lupita Jr. We don't want you to hang around my old arch-nemesis!
Tork: Who? ... Anyway, Ho ho ho! What do you want for Christmas, little (pause) kid.
Kid: I want a bicycle.
Tork: Did you raise anyone from the dead?
Kid: Uh, no.
Tork: Then you haven't been good enough this year to get a bike. (whisper) By the way, do you want to pretend to be my first born? You see, there's this not-nice woman who mean to Santa and...
Kid MOMMY!!
<Tork was fired from his Santa job, but that was not the end for him. He learned his lesson, and fired his own agent. After that, he was able to get a new contract - at a fraction of what he used to be paid - and returned to Tales from the Duh. His replacement, Mr. T., was fired, but he got to remain for at least the Christmas dinner.>
Mr. T.: I pity the fool, everyone!
Tork_110
University of Maryland ALUMNI!! (I have the keychain to prove it!)
#3042
University of Maryland Aluminum???
Date: 12/26/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Don't stick Tork in the microwave!
#3043
At Chez Belvedere's
Date: 12/29/2003
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
<Jimmy Mobius, Lita6969, Lita42, and Tucker's Brother are seated at a table. A waiter comes up to them.>
Waiter: Hello, and welcome to Chez Belvedere's. My name is Jean Claude Pierre and I shall be serving you this evening. The specials this evening are--
<Like you care. Let's skip ahead a bit.>
Jimmy: Well, isn't this nice?
6969: Oh, it certainly is, Jimmy Honey! I'm so glad we decided to double date!
TB: This is not a double date!
<There is an uncomfortable silence>
42: Well I think it's lovely that you two are so happy together. You're such a lovely couple.
TB: Yeah, when you can keep her from making passes at other guy--MMMRPH!!
42: You looked really hungry. I thought you might like some bread.
Jimmy: I didn't hear what he said. What did he say, Lita6969, Dear?
6969: <Slowly managing to remove the look of wide-eyed fright from her face> Er...
42: It wasn't anything at all interesting. Tucker's Brother never says anything interesting, do you Tucker's Brother?
TB: <gags on his bread>
Jimmy: Oh, all right then. So, Lita6969, I was going to tell you that your eyes are bluer than... a really really blue thing... that's been eating blueberries... er... on Blue Monday!
6969: Oh, Jimmy Honey!
42: <quietly to Tucker's Brother> That was really awful!
TB: Mrph!
<The waiter returns and leans over by 42>
Waiter: I'm so sorry, Ma'am. But we're out of your order.
42: But it's the special.
Waiter: I know. We're out of the special. Would you care to order something else?
42: Er... How about the seafood special?
Waiter: Sorry. The seafood truck crashed on the way over. We don't have any seafood.
42: Ok... Well... 6969's plate looks good, I'll have what she's having.
Waiter: We're out of that.
42: No you're not! She's got a whole plate of it!
Waiter: <smiles at 6969, who smiles back at him before going back to making eyes at Jimmy> She got the last one.
42: Ok... Fine... Well what would you suggest?
Waiter: I'm rather fond of spaghetti.
42: I'll have that.
Waiter: We don't serve that here.
42: <barely suppressing her rage> Well then why did you suggest it?
Waiter: I really like spaghetti. <he looks off wistfully> I'd much rather be eating a big plate of spaghetti than hanging around here talking to you.
42: <through clenched teeth> All right... Then I'll have the chicken fettuccini.
Waiter: I wouldn't suggest that.
42: Why?
Waiter: Well, you know, it's not the lightest thing on our menu. How about a nice stick of celery instead?
42: What?
Waiter: I'd think you'd want to pay extra attention to that kind of thing.
42: Why?
Waiter: Oh, well, you know, <He puffs up his cheeks with air and holds his hands out in front of his stomach to mime that he has a big belly and waddles around a little like a big jolly fat man>
42: Oh. I see. <With complete calmness and without losing her temper 42 gets up out of her seat and attacks the waiter, much to the dismay of Tucker's Brother and 6969 who are pulled along with her.>
<Even Later, Jimmy, 42, 6969, and Tucker's Brother are sitting outside on the curb>
6969: I can't believe you got us thrown out of the restaurant! You just ruined my whole date!
42: Oh, please. That guy was a complete turd. You should be congratulating me for winning that fight with one hand tied behind my back.
TB: Mrmprph.
Jimmy: What was that?
TB: <spits out the bread> I said I have to go to the bathroom.
<Both Litas glare at Tucker's brother, 42 showing more open contempt than 6969>
42: You're right, 6969. This is the worst date ever.
TB: It's not a date!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Based on a true story.
Ok, loosely.
Really loosely.
Please note that this reply is not meant to imply
anything unkind about the hard working men and women
who make up the wait-staff of America.
Jean Claude Pierre sucks, but most of them are absolute sweeties.
Please tip them generously.
Thank you.
Oh, and Green Light.
PS: To any aspiring writers on the rp staff, The ending of this installment is not an invitation to show us a graphic potty scene. Because eww. Thank you.
#3044
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!1!1!! n/t
Date: 01/01/2004
From: Carmelita9000
.............................................................
MST!
#3045
Happy 2004!!!
Date: 01/01/2004
From: Tork_110
May LKF have many more appearances in the rp this year.
#3046
Blah!!!
Date: 01/01/2004
From: DawnSummers
I know how to pee!!!
#3047
<Sam treks through the wilderness>
Date: 01/01/2004
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
<He's wearing a khaki shirt and tiny shorts.>
Sam: Oi! Righto! Heyeah we ah lookin' for the Ayfricin Eeyliphant that has been rumored to have been seen heyah! Now heyah comes mah pregnant wahfe to walk in front of me in caise we see any beeyoootiful poisonous snakes!
<Buffalo comes out wearing a long brown wig, makeup, and a maternity khaki outfit with tiny shorts. He has a basketball stuffed under his shirt.>
Buffalo: <in a bad falsetto> Heyello, Sam-- er... I mean... St...ste...sam... Ah ahm your wahfe. Ah sure hope we fahnd the ellie-fint!
Lita: CUT! CUT! CUT! <Lita storms onto the scene>
Sam: Oh, for crying out loud! What was wrong with that?
Lita: Mellow out, Man.
Sam: It's just that you do this all the time!
Lita: Because I don't want to have to take credit for any horrible plot twists you people improvise!
Sam: This isn't horrible! We have to find the elephant! Because of Linky! And it was your idea!
Buffalo: <shyly> Hah, Cupcake II...
Lita: It was my idea that you have to find the elephant. I never said anything about horrible Crocodile Hunter impressions.
Sam: It's really funny though!
Lita: No. It's really old. In fact, Crocodile Hunter parodies are beyond old. In fact, Crocodile Hunter parodies weren't even funny when they were new. So stop. Now.
Sam: Well, it turns out, Little Lady, that you are not the boss of me. <smug smile>
Lita: No, but PM is, and he agrees with me.
Sam: He does not.
PM: I do to.
Sam: Woah! Boss! When did you get here?
PM: I've been here. Blimey, Sam, how much have you been smoking?
Sam: Not that much, Boss, just... wait, what's with the accent?
PM: Don't you remember? I was bitten by Lita's sodding cow. <He's right. In fact, PM is so britishized right now that he's wearing a tweed jacket and has a monocle screwed into one eye, and is holding a pipe.>
Sam: But you weren't using an accent last time we talked.
PM: I know. I'm making up for lost time. Now get back to finding that elephant and getting Linky back, and stop talking like that bleeding Crocodile Hunter before I blast you both with my laser pistol.
Buffalo: You cain't threaten mah Cupcake II like that!
PM: Buffalo, you are a git.
Lita: He wasn't threatening me, Buffalo, he was threatening you.
Buffalo: Oh.
PM: Quite. <PM puts the end of his pipe in his mouth and it starts blowing bubbles> I say, Lita, would you care for a cuppa tea?
Lita: That sounds nice.
PM: Right! I'll go put the kettle on!
<PM and Lita leave, and the in-continuity storyline starts up again>
Sam: All right. Here we are. Looking for a boring elephant. In a really boring way. I'm sure we'll have a really boring time. Absolutely nothing interesting is sure to happen.
Buffalo: Think faist, Buddy! <He pulls the basketball out from under his shirt and tosses it at Sam. The basketball bounces off Sam's head>
Sam: Ow.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Green Light
PM: <holding a cup of Earl Grey> I say, Lita, didn't that bloke Evil Mike offer to make tea when he was British?
Lita: <putting more sugar in her tea> I don't know, maybe... but... That's what British people do, right?
PM: Bugger if I know, what?
Next up: Not so idle hands
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